Generation X vs Millennials
If you could hot-tub-time-machine your way back to the 80s or 90s and step into your younger self, I bet you’d never think you’d reach midlife.
You’d think middle age is something that only happens to boring people.
It only exists as a counterpoint to youth so that young people can gauge how enormously cool they are. Right?
Absolutely right. Except for when the reckoning of time shifts us from the cool column to the counterpoint column.
Welcome to middle age.
But midlife is not the end of life as you know it, and there’s a lot more to it than the realisation that annoying young people is fun. Midlife has bloomed into a stage of life packed with experiences once the preserve of the young, rich or adventurous.
Forty is the new 30, and 50 is the new 40, which technically equates to 50 being the new 30. By my calculations, if this trend continues, in a few years’ time 70 will be the new 10 and we’ll all be back in school wondering why the fuck they are still teaching algebra.
Generation X is Redefining Middle Age
Generation X is now in middle age, and we’re owning it. Gen Xers, having rebelled in their younger years, remain fiercely independent in middle age.
We value a work-life balance where the scales are tipped generously toward life
We are rejecting the three stage life, pursuing happiness over pleasure, and thoroughly exploring the pointy end of Maslow’s pyramid. And in the meantime, we’re redefining midlife.
Midlife Self-Help Service
Midlife is a time for reflection and renewal. It’s a time to stand on life’s halfway mark and take a look over the shoulder – to appreciate, learn, project – and to recharge for the second part of the journey. In other words, it’s time for a mid-life service.
The checklist diagnoses common problems, and recommends Do-It-Yourself remedies to get your Model X back on the road. All remedies are fully guaranteed** and come with a 100% money-back warranty***.
6-Point Self-Help Checklist
Common characteristics of the Generation X model at the midlife service:
Diagnostic: ‘Why’ Drive is not engaged.
Remedy: Our Life Mechanics say the Generation X model runs best when the ‘Why’ Drive is engaged. Recommend checking the settings to ensure the ‘Sense of Purpose’ cog is engaged and spinning excitedly.
An unactivated ‘Why’ Drive can cause the Model X to perform poorly or to head in the wrong direction. On cold mornings, it may not even get out of bed. Can also be prone to bogging down around televisions, particularly when MasterChef is on.
If you suspect the ‘Why’ Drive is not engaged, we recommend you consult these DIY repair manuals:
Diagnostic: User error. Not shifting into high gears
Remedy: Operators of Generation X models often neglect to shift into higher gears to maximise speed and power. This can be due to the operator lacking confidence in the Model X’s capabilities. Our mechanics recommend operators be more assertive. Or as they put it, “drive it like you stole it”.
Distractions can also cause the operator to neglect to shift into higher gears. No doubt the distractions seem important at the time, however, our mechanics warn that they narrow the operator’s attention and inevitably limit the Generation X model to the lower gears.
Recommendations for increasing operator confidence and decreasing distractions (technically known as the ‘rate of fucks given’), include these DIY guides:
Diagnostic: Navigation system has no maps or reference points.
Remedy: Upgrade navigation system to provide operators with a more complete worldview and better sense of where the operator is heading. The Model X navigation system needs continually updating to ensure operators know where they are going. Quality information (i.e. opposite of @realDonaldTrump) helps the operator make decisions that are right for them, and assists with making course corrections should the Model X head in the wrong direction.
Recommended uploads include:
Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Nearly Everything
Diagnostic: Operator hasn’t read owners’ manual.
Remedy: Our Life Mechanics urge operators to read the owners’ manual to learn how to correctly use the Model X. They recommend operators familiarise themselves with the strengths of their particular version – this helps increase performance and endurance. Good owners manuals, include:
For Generation X Introvert Models:
Diagnostic: Operating system has mistaken entertainment for a core value.
Remedy: Our mechanics warn that the Generation X model should not be operated solely in entertainment mode. The entertainment system is designed for pleasure, it is not intended to replace the Model X’s core drive.
They recommend operators use the entertainment system in moderation and instead focus on the Model X’s core value: to be a vehicle for operator happiness.
Reprogram for happiness with these DIY coding manuals:
Derren Brown’s Happy: Why More or Less Everything is Absolutely Fine
Diagnostic: Faulty cooling system
Remedy: Older Gen X models are prone to overheating without warning. Causes of overheating include: red traffic lights; noisey kids in the back; and a faulty GPS system combined with males’ inability to pull over and ask for the damn directions.
Our mechanics advise against approaching the Model X while it is overheating. It is best to allow the model to cool down before attempting to operate again.
See these DIY manuals for emergency procedures when overheating occurs:
Sarah Edelman’s Change Your Thinking [Third Edition]
In The Meantime Midlife Service
Our mechanics are always keen to update their collection of Model X manuals. Let us know in the comments section below if you’ve found any great books on how Gen X works and how to navigate life.
Have a pleasant journey.
*Not patented (not even a little bit).
**Guarantee does not include parts or services for anything we may or may not have done or have done not, in this or any other space-time continuum. Non transferrable or useable by original recipient or anyone else. Ever. May not be used as a flotation device.
***Warranty not recognised outside North Korea.